


Heart Of My Life

by Creepycupcakes



Category: Sanders Sides, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 16:17:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15053066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creepycupcakes/pseuds/Creepycupcakes





	Heart Of My Life

The funeral was at noon.

Logan knew this, yet somehow, he still couldn’t drag himself out of bed. His dark brown eyes blankly stared up at the ceiling. He still couldn’t believe he was gone. He knew it was illogical to be like this. At least, he felt that it was illogical. Death was just a part of life. That was how it went. Someone would die, people would be sad, and then they would move on. When Logan was younger he used to think that it was absolutely ridiculous that people would be sad over something that was natural.

However, over time he managed to at least somewhat understand it. When some past pets of his had died he had felt sad for about a day. But other than that he still didn’t get it…even now, when it felt like he was drowning he still didn’t understand. At least, not fully. Especially since the two had been expecting his demise. He could still remember the day they had got the news clear as day.

It was about a year ago now. Patton had started to get sick. And while, they had originally thought it would blow over, it only got worse. Logan had ended up having to take him to the ER since Patton had started to throw up blood. He had fallen unconscious in the car. Once they had gotten to the hospital, the doctors had taken him away for testing. Logan had hoped that it was treatable…but those hopes were soon dashed when the doctors told him the news. They doubted Patton would last until the end of the year.

Patton was sent home three days later. They would go back to the hospital every three weeks to get treatment to try to help prevent his death. It had worked well, soon enough Patton was expected to live past the one year mark. But the treatments were expensive, and while they did have some money saved away, and Logan did work they both knew they couldn’t keep up with the treatments for much longer.

Patton had wanted to stop the moment he had heard about their financial troubles. He hadn’t wanted to…to leave Logan behind with so little money. But Logan had managed to get him to continue, saying that his life was more important than some paper and coins. They had managed to get another month and a half of treatments. Eventually though, they couldn’t continue the treatments any longer. So they started to spend both of their days doing everything they possibly could with each other. They went out on walks, had picnics, went stargazing…anything they could to help themselves forget Patton’s illness. Even if it was only for a short while.

But with Patton’s condition deteriorating faster and faster, they really couldn’t do that for long. As the days went by, Patton slowed down. And then, before they had both knew it, Patton couldn’t even get out of bed anymore he was so weak. When that came along, Logan would try to spend as much time with him as he possibly could. He would read to him, eat with him, and in the evenings he would carefully carry him downstairs to watch tv and cuddle. They had gotten into this routine, but Logan had always had a feeling of dread in his stomach. He knew that his fiance simply didn’t have much longer at all, he was practically watching him die by the day. And to be honest..? Logan felt like a large piece of himself was dying along with him.

Patton never knew this, but on occasion when Patton had long since fallen asleep he would retreat to the bathroom and just cry. He would let out all of the frustrations and would let himself think about how this cruel world decided to do this to Patton. Why would it take away the life of someone so innocent? He would have much rather preferred if he was in Patton’s place. But once an hour had passed, he forced himself to stop crying and went back to Patton for another unsuccessful night of sleep.

As Patton’s condition got worse and worse, the more Logan would do that. However, once Logan could tell that Patton probably wouldn’t even make it through the week, he forced himself to stop. Logan stayed by Patton’s side for virtually twenty four hours a day, every day. He even ended up taking leave from work for it, despite Patton’s protests.

But finally, the dreaded day arrived. Logan could tell just by looking at him that he wouldn’t make it through the day. So he made sure to make the day as relaxing and as fun as he possibly could. The logical man had shoved his feelings to the side to be able to do it. That evening Logan was holding Patton gently as the credits for Winnie The Pooh rolled onto the screen. The normally cheerful man looked up at Logan with a soft smile, a solemn yet loving look in his blue eyes. “Hey Logan..?” He questioned, waiting until he had the others full attention before continuing. “I love you..” he murmured right before his eyes slipped closed for the last time. Logan had sobbed his heart out that night, he had ended up crying so much he could have sworn he probably would never be able to cry again.

Even though it had been a week or so since he had passed away, Logan still found himself in a state of shock as he finally managed to drag himself out of his bed and got dressed. He made himself as presentable as he possibly could. Even though his eyes still looked hollow. He sighed softly, having to force himself downstairs and to their…no, his car. He couldn’t really call it theirs anymore if Patton was no longer with him.

He knew that people at the funeral would probably end up commenting on his appearance, considering how he hadn’t been sleeping for a few days. But he didn’t care, after all, how could he sleep? On that matter, how could he do anything anymore? After all, the love of his life…no, the heart of his life was gone. And he was never coming back.


End file.
